Wow I've not blogged for a long time.
A little while ago, I mentioned I was applying to do a PhD. Well, I had the interview a couple of weeks ago and was unsuccessful. Immediately after, I was upset about it (who likes rejection?) but then I started to feel really set up. The proposal was never going to go through, so why waste everybody's time? I certainly felt the person who encouraged me to pursue doing a PhD should have said, look, the idea's too big, it's unlikely to pass an interview. It was an unpleasant experience all round, but since being unsuccessful I feel relaxed and much happier. I think I'd been carried along by everyone's enthusiasm (this is not to place blame on anyone except the aforementioned who could have stepped in but didn't) that I didn't stop to consider whether I was actually ready to undertake such a big project. That I feel so much better and less stressed makes me think that failing the interview was a blessing.
In that time, I've also finished the PGCert course I was doing and two of my private students took their FCE exam, so my evenings have been free. It's certainly been enjoyable coming home from work and riding / work and the gym and just doing whatever I feel like! I need to think about what I'm going to do next, but instead of feeling uptight about it I actually feel freer. Lots of things haven't worked out how I planned in my academic and work life, but it's not been the end of the world.
Another complete failure has been my fitness. I started the 30 Day Abs challenge and was bored two weeks in, so stopped. However, I had quite a shock two weeks ago when I had my body fat checked. 26.84%. That's nearly a 7% increase in 3 months. Who ate all the pies? I did! Understandably that upset me a lot and could have set me back to bad habits, but after a sulk and a cry I took responsibility for my poor choices. Nearly 27% is definitely not where I want to be, so I've started training using a four-day split: chest and triceps, back and biceps, shoulders and legs. I've also been schooling Ernest more, which is mutually beneficial (more on Mr Biff in the next post). The Smiling Assassin is checking my plumpness again at the end of August, so I'm hoping to have dropped it all off again by then.
It's strange that in the face of these failures I feel lighter - ironic, right?! - than I have for a while. I realise how tiring it is trying to control everything.